Characters
Everyone in this town is somebody's cousin. Here's who you'll be fighting, and who you'll be talking to between fights. All characters are fictional.
The seven (plus one)
Trust Fund Kid
Dearborn Heights · ★☆☆☆☆
Heir to the cul-de-sac. Arrives by limo, insists his driver films everything, and has trained his whole life for this moment with a private coach, a private chef and a private private.
Tip: He goes down in one punch. Really. Start here.
The Matcha Bachelor
Jabal · ★★☆☆☆
Everyone at Jabal is either studying for the MCAT or getting engaged. He is doing both, while throwing matcha and hearts.
Tip: Break the hearts with a punch or a burst, and hit him while he poses for a selfie.
The Soccer Kid
DHS · ★★☆☆☆
He challenged the vice principal to a 1v1. The vice principal lost.
Tip: Jump the low shots. High shots fly over you if you stay on the ground.
The Cone Commander
La Gelati · ★★★☆☆
Thinks pistachio is a personality. Rains cones and scoops.
Tip: Scoops leave slippery puddles on the floor. Don't fight on them.
The Court King
Hype Athletics · ★★★☆☆
Treats pickup like Game 7 and celebrates every single dunk.
Tip: The celebration after a dunk is your window. Bounce passes come off the walls.
The Charger Guy
Speedy Gas, Ford Rd · ★★★☆☆
Revs his Charger on Ford Rd at 2 AM so the whole city knows he's awake. His mom pays the insurance.
Tip: Jump the rolling tires, watch hubcaps on the rebound, and punish him when the burnout leaves him out of gas.
The Butcher
Dearborn Fresh Market · ★★★★☆
Thirty years behind the counter. Strictly halal, and he has heard every auntie haggle there is.
Tip: Lamb chops boomerang back. The platter hugs the floor, so jump it or dash through it.
???
Kendal St · ★★★★★
Only shows up after all seven are beaten. Fights with words, in two languages, and occasionally with banned books.
Tip: Watch the shield. Your burst is blocked while it's up.
Minibosses and side quests
The Dearborn Driver
Warren Ave Lot · ★★★☆☆
Silver sedan, one primer-gray door, paper plates, hazards always on. He learned to drive on Warren Ave, in reverse, during iftar rush hour. He fights from behind the wheel.
Tip: Jump or dash through his charges, then unload when he stalls or picks up his phone.
The Rival Dashers
Good Burger, Ford Rd · ★★★☆☆
They've been camping Good Burger since 4 PM, and they will not let a $2 order to Cherry Hill go without a fight. They block the door and call for backup.
Tip: Deal with the backup first and keep moving so you don't get surrounded.
Mahmoud
Doxtator St
Orders Good Burger every night. Nobody has ever been tipped. It's a tradition. Very generous with stars, inshallah.
Around town
Cousin Sami
Your self-appointed manager. Runs the warm-up in the backyard and takes 10 percent of nothing.
Mom
Wants you home before midnight. If anyone asks, you're a doctor. Will pick you up when Cherry Hill wins.
Pothole Abu Sami
Has been watching the same pothole grow since 2016. It's like a son to him.
TCD
Filming the Schaefer Rd lane closure for the 47th time. Follow for updates on things that are not finished yet.
The Driving Instructor
His driving school is closed. All his students are on Warren Ave now. God help us.
Jiddo
Eighty-one years old. Still does not understand the Michigan left.